Wednesday, December 19, 2012

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 49

Episode 49 – December 18 – Today was the ??th birthday of one of my most loyal followers, my cousin, Colleen. Happy Birthday Cuz! Drop by if you come into town to visit your grandson over Christmas. I’m sure I can pencil you into my busy schedule.
Last night was one of those bad nights for sleep. At about 3:30, the IV alarm went on the woman across from me, Anne’s IV apparatus and it sounded like everyone on the floor attended to it at once. After that settled down, there was a hallway placement, a woman with dementia having a wonderful and loud conversation with her non-existent friend for a good three hours. The trick to putting disruptive patients in hall at night is to make sure the doors to the wards are closed but that usually only lasts for about ten minutes because the next time a nurse comes into the ward, they don’t close the door behind them.
Of all the ward mates I have had in the past seven weeks I have to give Cheryl the first place award for quietest sleeper (no snoring or talking in her sleep) however there has no second place to date. Actually all my roomies are lucky I’m using the Bipap machine or I would have outdid them all. I think Lorraine would have eventually smothered with a pillow if I didn’t do something about my apnea.
Barb was my day nurse today but after Maggie anyone seems great.
The hospital is probably one of the few places where you still see pagers being used in any significant amount. I’m not sure why because the different service departments also use two-way radios and everyone carries cell phones. For some stupid reason there are still signs everywhere saying “Cell phones prohibited”. For starters there never was any problem with cell phones interfering with equipment. The radio frequencies that medical equipment use will more likely interfere with cells. I would not have been able to survive the first few days without my phone. It was my only link to the outside world.
A new physio, Kirsty, showed up for my treatments today so I had to instruct her how to set up my leg lift. As usual it went well. The unusual thing about her was her faint accent. I asked her where she was and I was surprised she was from Scotland chiefly because traditionally once a Scot crosses the pond their accent tends to thicken. I believe it’s caused the change in the gravitational pull in North American. But then she used the word “wee” three times in two minutes it gave her away.
Considering that Dr. McConkey claimed that the condition was so rare that there was no protocols on treatment for bilateral quadricep rupture they better write this up in The Lancet or the New England Journal of Medicine and I want full credit as Patient D.
Alex checked out just after lunch and they filled his spot with a young lady, Loren, with another knee injury, torn tendon. My guess is a ski accident considering her two friends are speaking Australian and to make it even less intelligible she’s Irish so no English is spoken here.;-)
My bet is that the hospital will charge the Irish insurance company a lot less than they charged Katherine’s American insurance company yesterday.
So far I’ve received a couple of ideas for good stories to explain the ladies about my scars while sipping mojitos by the pool. Kevin suggested an attack by two great whites while surfing off the coast of Chile but that’s too farfetched   so maybe pare ir down to one shark but for good measure I’ll need a large shark tooth pendant as a prop possibly with a blood stain on it. The football story could be embellished to the point of preventing the winning touchdown by making a diving tackle. I don’t have to embellish the parachute one I just have to imply that the mission is still classified and saying could get us both killed.
My favourite so far is still Katheryne’s idea .While working as a volunteer for Search and Rescue I lost my footing and landed badly while rappelling down the side of cliff rescuing a fawn who had fallen onto an outcropping. An adrenalin rush still enabled me to get a sling around Bambi before I passed out from the severe pain. So all was good in the forest!
My night nurse was Sandra but a different one from the Sandra I had a few weeks ago but just as friendly and efficient. By coincidence the first Sandra was assigned to the two post-op patients in my room. It was the first time I had seen her since she was assigned to me last time and she was thrilled to see what progress I had made and excited to hear that Friday was going to be my first attempt at weight bearing.
As per usual, I concluded my night with an orange, a cookie and a bed time story from Rachel Maddow.
To be continued...

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