Monday, November 26, 2012

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 26

...*heavy sigh* Are you still out there?....
Episode 26 – November 25 – Today was my favourite niece, Jennifer’s birthday. It’s easy to call her my favourite niece in a family full of boys but we’ve always had a special bond. I fell in love with her the first time I met her when she was about five years old and that love has never faltered despite several long gaps in communications. We were once accused by her grandmother and mother as being “thick as thieves” and that “Jennifer can do no wrong in Dennis’ eyes”. (Which was and still is true.hee hee!) In the past few years, she has become my conscience watching out for her Uncle D. And even more recently she has become my new “road trip buddy”.
The sleeping worked magically last night and I didn’t wake up until Marjorie woke me up at 6:30 and checked my glucose level which was a fabulous 5.6!
Sandra is my day nurse again today and that’s a good thing. Sandra also has impeccable timing. She performed a small very important procedure on me and then managed to time her break so that the nurse covering her beds got stuck with the “fun” stuff. (insert mantra “I never want to be a nurse”)
Harry in the opposite corner checked out this morning and headed back to Pemberton. He was probably the youngest person besides me to be in this room and he was in his mid to late sixties.
Dad made his weekly call and we talked about last night’s game. He was ecstatic about his Irish. Just for him, I have to make it to a Notre Dame in game soon particularly in South Bend.  South Bend is on the pilgrimage list for all Catholic School boys even more sacred than Jerusalem and the Vatican.
Sandra came in with two sterile swab sticks and explained that they were swabbing everyone for MRSA, an antibiotic resistant bacterium. The first swab was for my nostrils. So I’m thinking so what is the other swab for. Oh, for there!!! Just a sec, let me roll onto my side. “I never want to be a nurse.”
Knowing that I was expecting company, I arranged for Sandra to get me into my chair. She got the sling in place and then realized that there was no help so she decided to wait until after lunch when the physios returned. So I sat back and enjoyed my tuna sandwich and summer squash soup.
Once I was back in the chair, I just kicked back awaited my guests. While waiting, they moved Art to an isolation room so for the time being I had the entire ward to myself.
Just after 2, Scott, Lorraine and Sara arrived. This is part of another great Night Owl family and I believe there are four or five daughters in the clan. Actually there are only two more but I bet there were times when Scooter thought there was at least a dozen women living in the house. They packed me up and rolled me down the hall to the elevators. It was the first time I had actually seen the halls from an upright position so everything looked different. While we on the move thanks to Lorraine’s driving through the not so wheelchair friendly halls, Sara kept giving her mom grief about Lorraine being a nurse and not being able to steer a wheelchair.  I was used to rolling through in a stretcher and I had the ceiling of the floor memorized.
We went down to the first floor cafeteria for cappuccinos and some great conversation. And the big bonus is Sara, a chef-in-training, had made me a tin of cookies that are diabetic friendly. “Me like cookie!”.
When they returned me to my room, it turned out I was no longer alone. There was another confused old English lady, Marguerite, where Art used to be. Obviously, they moved her when she was asleep when they did a lot of bed shuffling when Art was moved. I think she’s another long time resident.
Shortly after that one more little old English lady from Squamish, Anne Marie  was brought in as a pre-surgery patient with a broken elbow. This one is 100 years old.
It pains me when they send a nurse with a heavy accent to try and ask these near deaf old dears questions. I almost think they need interpreters. Of course, this reminds me of a cute story about Jennifer’s grandmother. She was in Eaton’s and a salesman with a heavy Scottish brogue spoke to her. Grandma exclaimed in sheer delight “It’s so n*** to hear an accent that isn’t foreign!”
Marguerite in the bed beside me is obviously really hard of hearing because she has headphones on to watch her TV and I can hear the sound through them quite clearly. So I plugged in my tunes to block it out.
What also gets to me is when they ask confused patients questions like “Do you know what day it is?” to determine how aware they. For eff’s sake even I have to check my phone or the little box in the corner of my screen to find out what day it is. Every day is Groundhog Day!
I set myself up to watch TSN’s raw feed camera of the Grey Cup while listening to the radio commentary on Team 1410 online. It was a bit strange because the radio was about two plays behind the camera feed and the score on the side of the camera feed was one play head of that.
Marjorie once again is the source of my magic pills. So it’s time to cozy up to the Green River Killer and have Pink serenade me to sleep.
And damn those cookies are even tastier than the peanuts! Thank you, Sara!
To be continued...


  1. Today's word is.................. Fluctuations

    (I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.)

    I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one
    lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for
    dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

    She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat
    dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"

    The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."
    The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

  2. Thank you for writing this so well:
    "one vomit inducing piece of shite. We will start with the excrement. The Sun did a story on the twenty most popular charities in BC. They actually classified that conservative bullshit machine, the Fraser Institute as a charity and wrote a glowing piece of trash about it. I damn near tossed my breakfast reading it but then again that may have not been that big of a disaster."
    My fellow teacher-colleagues would be nodding & applauding if they read this. In fact, I'd like to share it with them, if that's all right with you.
    I'm glad Janice made the trip to see you. I live 3 blocks from where she works. If she can make the drive, I can, & I'm wanting to see you sooner while we're still getting mild rain rather than later when the icy crapola descends. Consider yourself warned of my haunting. Since I've asked you a couple times already, What does thou want me to bring/smuggle in, & I've not yet seen any requests, I shall have to be a tad creative.....
    Hmmmmm, the Ever Lovely Trudy Van Wieringen Parke lives 5 blocks from me; perhaps I can have her join me..... *insert smile here*
    One of our dogs (age 14) died on Nov. 13th (heart failure) and our other dog (age 13) just got back from a brain-damaging stroke on Nov. 27-30. I'm reading your blog with enthusiasm, your delightfully spirited writing reminding me that life goes on & it's much more interesting to make lemonade out of the lemon events. And Dennis, you are a great lemonade maker.
    Keep on writing, Our Dear Gem of A Man.
    xooxxo Ruth.