Tuesday, November 13, 2012

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 13

...so a priest, a giraffe and a pipefitter walk into a bar...oops, wrong story...
Episode 13 – November 12 – I awoke at 5 AM after a totally uninterrupted sleep feeling somewhat refreshed but with a very bitter taste in the bad of my mouth when I sipped some water. I remembered the taste from a few nights previously. That little sneak, Denise, had slipped one of those little guys into my pill cocktail along with the old guys in the room.
I then made use of my time and did my first set of bed exercises, pushing huge amounts of iron. Okay maybe it was a bean bag weight and some latex bands
My new day nurse today is Solly and Denise (aka Nurse Ratched, hee hee)was also helping out in the ward which means she was going to do evil things today like wash my back and sit me up in the wheelchair.
The vampire arrived shortly before breakfast to steal some blood from everyone to take back to the lab or so they say. Regardless, I keep a wooden stake beside my bed.  If I see Sookie Stackhouse wearing scrubs around here I’ll know I’m right about my suspicions. Seriously,I got a little worried when the lab tech looked at the empty bed across from me and asked the nurse, “where’s Mr. Wallace?” on being told he had been transferred back to St. Mary’s in Gibson her next question was “Then should I come back for him later?” And I’m supposed to trust this broad to stick a needle in my arm, I don’t think so!
And guess what time it is now? You Betcha...Breakfast Time!!..Oh Joy!! Well the good news is it wasn’t cream of wheat. No, it was oatmeal, the other gruel...and a banana. At least they gave me both peanut butter and dietetic grape jelly for my whole wheat toast.
I received a rare email from my baby sister, Kathy and I was pleased to see that the first thing that pops up when you Google “Running With Safety Scissors” , my blog is at the top of the list. Go ahead try it; I know you want to; just click here. Hey, Donald Trump isn’t the only attention in this world!  ;-)
I ate my first meal sitting up in the wheelchair. Lunch was a chicken salad sandwich and spinach with mandarin orange salad with pieces of raw garlic. Where the hell was this when I needed it to ward off the lab lady?
After a little over an hour in the chair, I was starting to get tired and my butt was getting sore so I hit the call button and asked the nurse if I could go back to bed. The team came but were short bodies so Denise let me use the lift controls. I felt so much more at ease because I was in control.
Okay guys get ready for some inspirational  sermon-y claptrap but remember I’m giving to you for free unlike those fortune cookie writers like Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins and Eckhart Tolle.
People have been asking how I have been able to handle my ordeal and how am I able to keep my sense of humour as well. The answer to the first part is acceptance. In any pitfall that life deals you the first thing you have to do is accept your situation, then think about how you are going to fix or at least improve your situation then proceed. With regards to humour, learn to laugh at yourself and people laugh with you not at you. Laughter is life. Remember life is way too serious to take it seriously. This has always been my of staying positive and facing forward.
My brother, Pat and sister-in-law, Suzanne, dropped by this afternoon for visit.They witnessed first hand my suroundings and helped me out with  a few personal business matters. .
Dad just called and we talked about the real important things in life, Liverpool FC and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.
After a so-so dinner I received a visit from our CUPE business agent, Steve and chatted about goings on at the PNE and reinforced the idea as union reps is that our primary job is to hand-hold members and guide them through a  never ending puberty and to minimize the effects of both management and members being just plain stupid.
It seems that the Class of 74 has been busy; I received several more notes from classmates today and yesterday. Thank you, Louise, Karen and Ruth.
Regina was my night nurse however Esther made a point of popping in at the beginning of her shift to say hello to everyone. That girl is just too damn perky! ;-)
And just before settling down I received an extremely important visitor and my eyes lit up; the breakfast fairy! Tomorrow is going to be a good day!
So I took my little blue pill (Hey! not that blue pill. Fat lot of good it would do in here!) headed off to dreamsville.

Hey wait! This is episode 13! I now have enough to take to the networks!  
To be continued...

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if in a few months time we will see a weird video on youtube of you and the old dudes...taken after the pills Denise sneaks y'all kicks in.

    I wonder if the lift will be involved?

    And while I'm wondering...why the gruel and banana every morning? Is that the preferred breakfast for diabetics while in the hospital?