How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 19

...shall we get on with it...

Episode 19 – November 18 -  I was up at around 6:30 after a bit of a fitful sleep due to a combined effort of my own restlessness and the screaming of another delusional patient down the hall. I began my first set of isometric and resistance exercises along with deep breathing exercises. The last thing I need is to get sick in the damn place.

Just make sure everyone was awake, the alarm sounded and it was another Code Red in Evergreen House. Don’t those people know how to make effing toast?

Maria is my day so I’m not expecting a lot. Her English is suspect but so far, she’s been able to deal with all my outrageous demands.

I did receive a visit from the breakfast fairy last so I avoided both the cream of wheat and the banana. The alternate choice for fruit was apple. I assumed the apple would be the regular chopped up pieces in some juice but it was a whole apple. I don’t normally eat whole apples because I have a nasty overbite and a huge gap between my two front teeth. When I do bite into one I actually more so scoop with my bottom teeth.

Dr. Chow dropped by again but I’m not sure why. She had not bothered to check for my lab results. She did waste my time talking about my body mass index. Yes, I know I have to lose weight. No, I don’t need you to send up the dietician. I know what I’m doing wrong and I know I have to correct it.

One of the things I try not to do is wallow in self-pity. My situation is temporary and in a few months I will be doing fine. I have through a number of much more devastating, traumatic and permanent events in my life. I know too many friends that are at present going through much more difficult times dealing with chronic illnesses or ailing parents. My heart goes out to all of you.

The good news today is that the nurse found a real pair of pajamas instead of a gown for Charlie in the opposite corner. That image of him heading into the washroom will no longer be burned into my visitors’ minds. (Sorry about that, Louise!)

Jim in the bed across from me got paroled

Around noon, one of my favourite Facebook friends, Leslie came in to visit with a couple of cappuccinos. We shared quite a few laughs while we solved all the world’s problems as I nibbled on my lunch consisting of a tuna sandwich and mushroom soup. (Don’t worry, Lee...it was good but it couldn’t hold a candle to your concoction.)

The most hilarious thing about Leslie’s visit actually came after she left. She had just texted her boyfriend with “Had a n*** visit” and for some reason Virgin Mobile’s version of autocorrect had changed it to “Had a n*** booty call”. Boy, I had better not have been sleeping and missed it. I suspect Sir Richard Branson and his wicked sense of humour had struck again. :-)

While Leslie was still there, my new cell mate arrived. We couldn’t tell exactly what surgery he had but using our joint deductive skills and observing that his right leg was propped up on pillows and bandaged up we hazarded a guess that the operation may have involved his right leg. (Turns out he's actually a pre-op patient booked for surgery in the morning.)

I managed to pull in a raw camera feed of the Lions’ game off the TSN website and accompanied by a second site giving a play by play description I sat back and followed the contest. Alas, the boys tried but fell just short. Oh well, there’s still my Fighting Irish and 49ers.

While watching the game, a nurse’s aide brought in my afternoon fruit snack; another effing banana! I couldn’t even be civil; I just about bit her head off.

The best word to described dinner is beige. Edible but forgettable. A principle rule in culinary presentation is never serve cauliflower and mashed potatoes with chicken. The menu card contained the description “Zesty Garlic Chicken Gravy”. Apparently zesty is a synonym for “m-eh”. 

Oh, and for those that missed my FB posting, I really do know a former Twinkie Straightener. Just watch this news clip.

After an abnormally long time due to my low energy levels, I was finally able to finish JK Rowling’s “The Casual Vacancy”. I enjoyed it immensely. This is definitely not for children.

Felly brought me my evening cocktail consisting of an anti-inflammatory and a sleeping pill. After watching a couple of cheesy sitcoms, I let that little blue pill carry me home.

To be continued...