How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 38

...it keeps going and going and going...

Episode 38 – December 7 – I had a great sleep last without any interruptions and was ready to start my exercise regime at 6:00. Yes, I know for a lot of you 6:00 seems early but I have always been an early riser even when I’m not working. I would start to feel guilty when I’d sleep past 7 AM. I just like to get things done early and save time in the day to get at least one nap.

The blood sugar is still doing fine, Catherine took it and the early morning reading was 5.8.

Regina was my day nurse again so I’m on a roll regarding nurses during the past few days. Along with my morning wash up, she was able to find some proper medicated cream to rub into my scaly feet. This may seem to be obvious that they should be using the cream all the time but the bean counters restrict the amount of supplies each floor can have. Denise had ordered some cream yesterday and it still hadn’t been released from stores. Regina just happened to know where she could find a partial tube for today. I’m sure the suits are suffering too and are probably only allowed to charge three lunches per week on their expense accounts and then they are only allowed to order domestic wines.

One of the things a person learns in the hospital is how to improvise. The nurses and the aides are always a great help but they are worked off their feet. Learning how to bend and stretch to reach things. This week’s problem involved the ear buds the Crown Prince brought me a couple of weeks ago and now have developed a loose connection. I have to wiggle the jack around to pick up at least one channel then hold it in place. I thought a piece of tape would be a good idea. Regina very kindly brought a roll and stuck it in my drawer. The suits will have fit if they hear about it.

Okay, time to grouse about today’s newpaper. The front page of The Province was emblazoned with a huge headline “NDP-LABOUR TIES SLAMMED!”  followed by a sub-headline that the BC Liberals are unhappy about this. The only more shocking headline they could have used would have been “IT MAY RAIN TODAY!!” The other item that irked me was about how Justin Bieber’s manager was slamming the Grammy Award nominating committee for not picking his client’s songs for any awards. Did this idiot not see his performances at the Grey Cup or on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show? He was horrible and the two songs he lip-synched to were even more dreadful. And while we are on the subject, who designed the MC Hammer inspired outfit he wore?

Apparently, when I got here after surgery I was not the most pleasant person. Today while doing my transfer into the wheelchair, one of the team was a nurse named Sonja. I had seen her coming and going but I didn’t recall ever having her as my nurse. She told me she was my admitting nurse and I said “Oh that was when I was in Happyland!” “Maybe in your mind you were in Happyland. No, you were in absolute agony.” I honestly do not remember being in that much pain but then again I was pretty much stoned for the first few days.

While sitting up in my chair, I received another wonderful unexpected surprise. One of the volunteers came in and handed me an envelope. It was a Christmas card from a high school classmate. Thank you so much, Irene. You made a sunny day even brighter!

I really have to sing the praises of Fatport the wireless provider here. I received another email from them to let me know that the credit has to my Mastercard has already been processed. Note to Telus, Shaw and Rogers: It’s called “Customer Service” check it out. Most business schools offer courses.

After lunch, I received a visit from one of my favourite PNE First Aiders, Katheryne. I say one of my  favourites because I love all you guys and gals in the FA department and wish I could work with you more. Katheryne took me downstairs for a caffeine fix and restocked my mandarin orange supply. The funny thing is the two times I’ve been taken down to the coffee shop, I’ve been pushed by nurses and both had great trouble pushing my wheelchair. It is a big bulky thing so who can blame them? The one thing about discussing my stay with a nurse is I became much more candid discussing some of the somewhat less talked about things going on with the body. We also discussed how much your dignity and modesty fly out the window. Katheryne had a cute story on this subject regarding her last stint as a patient but that’s her story to tell so you will have to ask her. While we were talking, she pointed out that I had glitter on my face. Originally, I thought she had been into my meds but then it clicked; Irene’s Christmas card!

While we were chatting, I received a call from my sister-in-law, Suzanne, to let me know that Mom’s surgery went okay. I hope you’re recovering well, Ma! <3

Our timing was great as far as Katheryne returning me to the room went. I got the nurses to put me back on the bed right after she left and by the time I was settled Jennifer came in for my physio treatment. We tried something new today. Rather than having the students lift my knee manually, Jennifer after adjusting the lockout angles on my braces, she put a sling under my knee and hooked it up to the overhead lift and move the knee up and down. This worked out great because it gave a more even lift each time and I didn’t have the urge to help by contracting my quads. It was the first they tried this here so I was the guinea pig. There were a couple of minor kinks but between the two of us we think we’ve come up with some ideas. I like being part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

On a side note, I was teaching physios how to use certain modalities long before Jennifer and the other physios were born. This was during my medical supplies sales days. My previous expertise in business also helped when Mave, the OT was trying to figure out some modifications to my wheelchair legrests.

They finally filled the bed beside today after being unoccupied for almost a full day. Paul another knee replacement patient was in for his second knee this year. While nurse Kevin explained how the morphine pump and at what point Paul should dose himself, I happily volunteered to take any doses he didn’t want, not for pain but it makes me feel pretty all over. Hey, they won’t bring me my mojitos!!

Paul then asked Kevin to bring him a urinal bottle, I gladly offered to sell him one of mine. Paul counter offered with a dose of morphine. I love free enterprise!

Dr. McConkey, the surgeon came by for the first time in a couple of weeks. He quite was pleased with both my healing and rehab progress so he gave the green light to continue at the prescribed rate. After I asked exactly how he reattached my quads to my patella he explained it. Apparently, it involves two screws in my knee cap and then using sutures in a spider web pattern to connect the muscle and tendons. Sounds fascinating but I don’t want to see the video replay. I’m sure all of you would love to see the video of me watching the video. That one could go viral.

Note to Nancy: You wouldn’t like Dr. McConkey. He’s a Hawkeye. He spent a year doing a practicum as the Iowa football team sports medicine specialist.

Denise was my night nurse. Apparently, one of the student nurses ratted me out to her about how I control my curtains. Drat! Foiled again!

I finished the night off by watching the last episodes of Treme and The Franchise. I highly recommend Treme for its story lines but would advise anyone on a diet to fast forward through all the restaurant scenes. The Franchise is for every San Francisco Giant fan but also interesting to watch for its human interest stories. It explains what went wrong in the 2011 season. At one point, the players they had on the Disabled List could have been contenders for a repeat of the 2010 championship. Regardless, each episode confirms that Brian Wilson’s head is wired differently than us but he’s the league’s best closer.

To be continued...