How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 17

...when we left you last our hero was tied to a hospital bed...

Episode 17 – November 16 - The little blue pill worked great last night and I woke up after 7 AM and I am already feeling much more energetic than yesterday.

I finally found out my new roommate’s name, Larry but he’s really temporary and will be going home today. His wife is a real pain and a bit of an entitled bitch. Last night, she kept closing the room door leading to the hallway because she didn’t like the noise. Besides the fact that it is supposed to stay open so that the nurses can keep aware of any problems, it also helps the air to move in this sweatbox.

I have Felly for a day nurse so I know things are going to be okay today.

Breakfast of course was another story because the breakfast fairy didn’t appear beside my bed last night. I wouldn’t she came by and saw the closed door. As expected, they brought me oatmeal sludge and an effing banana! To top it off they brought me coffee so I had to improvise on my tooth brushing.Rinsing out your mouth without ice water is not as comforting as warm water.

Dr Haaf came by to report that my EI forms had been mailed and was now at the mercy of Canada Post and Service Canada. He also wanted to let me know that the lab report had not come back but the nurses were still reporting my urine smelled funny. (Mantra time... “I never want to be a nurse”) Dana also ordered an ultrasound of my kidneys. ROAD TRIP!!

In the meantime, Larry was getting ready for to be discharged and his wife was carrying on about this and that. When they were down the hall I just calmly stated, “Bitch” and the nurses in the room burst out laughing.

Felly came in later and told Dana had reinstated my prescription for ranitidine (Zantac) which is great because one of my fears is being woken up in the middle of the night with an acid back up. I do not miss that choking sensation followed by the burning in the throat.

The lunch fairy dropped to take my order. She was quite proud of the fact that they made all the soups from scratch in the kitchen downstairs and I must admit the soups for the most part have been good and hardy except for the split pea soup that always looks and tastes like something Linda Blair spewed up. She should have quit while she was ahead because she went on to say that the made everything for scratch. Whoa! Let’s talk about the cream of wheat and the oatmeal. Bleccchhh!

Shortly after lunch, a hospital porter showed up and he says to me, “I’m here to take you down to ultrasound so they can scan your neck. “TIME OUT HERE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NECK?”  He showed the order sheet and it read “Renal Scan”. Phewww!!!

So after a little more confusion involving transferring onto the stretcher, I was wheeled down to the ultrasound department. I was greeted by a cute little French-Canadian girl, Natalie who told me she was going to be doing my scan. I am happy to report that both kidneys were there. I am now reassured that nothing nefarious happened that morning I woke up in the bathtub in Tijuana. After she finished the scan Natalie left the room to write her report and consult her supervisor. While waiting I decided to take a nap because I can just never get enough time to nap here.

When I got back to the room, I found the OT/PT team waiting for me. They wanted to get me into my wheelchair but after problems finding the proper lift sling and cushion issues they gave up until Monday.

While all the transferring was happening  on my side of the room they were also bringing a new patient in to fill the vacancy across from me. So it was like Grand Central Station in room 621.

Meanwhile to add to the chaos, a Code Red was called due the smoke alarm going in the building next door, Evergreen House. Apparently this is common occurrence because some over there lost the recipe for toast. This also brought a very scary thought to mind because an evacuation was ever necessary, I would be screwed.

Because of my field trip today I missed the dinner fairy. Dinner came and I had to check the inventory card to check what it was. Baked fish in cream sauce...bland to the umpteenth degree.

Sergio was my night nurse but this isn’t as serious problem as when he is the day nurse because the only I require of a nurse is to bring me my nighty-night drugs and a fresh pee bottle when required.

So I finished the evening watching one of my guilty pleasures, Survivor. Just a note for other Survivor watchers, I had no qualms about Jeff Kent being voted off last week. For San Francisco Giant fans this was karma. Jeff Kent’s cold bat in the 2002 World Series was the key reason the Giants lost the series to the Angels. He then jumped ship to the Astros the following spring,

So after a lovely bed time story from Rachel Maddow about senate reform, I drifted off to sleep.

And someone left that damn tap dripping again.

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 16

...you in the back pay attention there will be a quiz on this...

Episode 16 – November 15 – Denise woke me up at 6:30 to check my glucose levels which have been leveling out below the official 7 marker for diabetes. She told me the specimen had already been sent to the lab and Dr. Haaf had been notified of the problem. The pain was still there and almost as uncomfortable as last night.

Felly came in this morning as my day nurse and this was definitely a good thing. Because of the added stress of a possible infection, the new pain and a few other things I was probably at my lowest point since the surgery mood wise. I knew with Felly I would be getting good care.

The vampire dropped by again on the pretense of checking my hemoglobin but won’t they be surprised by Lee’s roast garlic mushroom soup.

Breakfast was passable because of the fairy visit last night so I got Rice Krispees with my whole wheat toast and fruit.

My mood did not improve after my requested meeting with the Occupational Therapist. The time frame was explained more clearly and I am actually going to be immobilized in the braces for four more weeks. My actually walking therapy will only be for a couple of days before being discharged and I will continue doing intense outpatient therapy for few weeks afterwards.

My mood was also affected by the apparent increased chaos in the ward. It seemed that in the first part of the morning there was at least twice as much traffic and noise in and out and that was with Art behaving himself for a change.

A procedure to get my exhaust systems working was performed. (Once again chanting “I never want to be a nurse”.) It seems the codeine and opiates weren’t the things causing my problem. Your body works at its best when vertical; when horizontal you are defying gravity. (Okay, that link is way off base but I through it in for Janice, Marla and Mo and any other fans of musical theatre for a little giggle. Admit you’re smiling now.)

The best thing of the day and probably the best thing that happened since I got here took place today. The OT department found a shower stretcher and they located a shower room on the seventh floor big enough to accommodate it. The trip to the seventh floor had a bit of sadness attached to it. We had to pass the Palliative Care Ward which was the last place I saw Lorraine.

The shower was surreal. I was lying on the stretcher being hosed down by two nurses the process reminded a lot of how they wash down the bodies in the morgue on CSI. It felt so good to scrub my hair with real shampoo. I admit I was starting to feel and smell quite gamey. I feel sorry for the likes of Pam, Dennis, Louise and Lee having to waft in my lovely fragrance yesterday.

The other thing I noticed while showering is that the pain in my side had settled down and I could only feel it when I took a deep breath.

Back in the room, Felly set me up to scrape off the tiny little hairs growing on my face. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was feeling so tired today, I would have said I felt like a new man. At least, I felt human again.

Just as lunch arrived, Felly came into change my dressings. Putting off meals here is not exactly upsetting.

It’s always appetizing to stare at incisions, staples, bruising and blisters. It’s funny, any guy who has come in has turned green even thinking about lifting the blanket to see the braces. Meanwhile, women come in and are right at it checking out even the oozing wounds. It must be the Mommy Gene. ;-)

Dr. Haaf came by and we talked about my side pain. He was able to confirm that it wasn’t a kidney problem but we would have to wait for the lab cultures to come back to determine if there is an infection of any kind.

I couldn’t believe how exhausted I was. I was only able to get through ten pages of my book, it took me all day to skim the Vancouver Sun and Province and writing this took forever  normally I’m on top of my writing and just keep updating throughout the day.

Thank you to my co-worker, Francis, for the kind words you sent yesterday.

Dinner tonight was turkey with rice and carrots. There was nothing bad about but I bring it up for two reasons. I am not a big fan of cooked carrots but I will eat them if necessary. I decided to forego them and substitute one of my mandarin oranges. How did Robbie Burns phrase it? Oh yes...”the best laid plans of mice and men oft go asunder”. I ended up brushing my teeth before remembering the orange. I’m sure you have all tried orange juice after toothpaste. Yuck!! I decided to skip the orange. The rice is a different kettle of fish. Any of you who have followed me on Facebook, will recall I keep whining about a series of gum and tooth surgeries over the past few years. My most recent has been a several staged implant procedure. The final stage was to be done at the beginning of December but I’ll be kind of occupied for the next little bit. The problem is I have a deep hole where that tooth is supposed to go and this is a great place for rice kernels to hide. I spend a lot of time flushing them out with warm water. I haven’t even considered eating quinoa for the past few months.

I spoke too soon about Art today, after staying peaceful all day he started acting up again trying pull the curtains back. I had to keep pulling them out of his hands.

My night was Maria. L hadn’t met her before so I couldn’t give you an assessment on her. Who my night nurse is isn’t not that crucial because I only interact with them to check my vitals at the beginning of the shift and then bring me my Celebrex for inflammation and that cute little blue pill to send me to dreamland.

So after watching Rachel Maddow and having my brain warped by her pinko, feminazi  utterings i laid myself down to sleep.

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 15

...in case I haven’t bored you already, let’s move on...

Episode 15 – November 14 – Damn this means I’m starting my third week in this hell hole. Time flies when you are having fun!

I was up doing my bed exercises by 5:30 after a bit of a restless sleep in the early hours.

I was absolutely delighted to find that Sergio was going to be my nurse again today. Okay, I lied. The man moves way to slow and thinks almost as quickly. It is time for him to retire. My only hopes I have for today are that Denise’s request to the Occupational Therapist to devise a shower chair for to come through and my OT-PT comes in and steps up my rehab program.

Breakfast didn’t suck totally sure there was the oatmeal slop but at least they included a hard cooked egg with my whole wheat toast. They sent me coffee instead of tea and I make a point of never drinking cafeteria type coffee. The lack of hot water for tea also meant I had to further improvise with my tooth brushing by using some of my drinking water and pouring it into a milk container for a rinse cup and as usual using the empty fruit cup for a spit jar.

Speaking of milk containers, I cannot figure out how these old guys could possibly pull the foil tops off these and the juice containers. I darn need power tools to get into them myself. I have also learned that it is best to hold them as far away from your body because they will always squirt back at you.

Sergio is so effing slow and so far behind that he didn’t bring me my morning meds until 9:30 when they should have been delivered between 7:30 and 8 and I still had to stab myself with my blood thinners. This is a habit I never want to get used to.

Pam and Dennis dropped by to visit with a few goodies like mandarin oranges and peanuts and brought my mail from the past few days. It was n*** to visit with my new UK stamps before putting them back in the envelope and sending them back home. Pam was also kind enough to print out my cover letter for my EI claim so all I need is for the doc to fill his part and I’m on my way to getting some money out of the deal.

The lunch fairy came in and today’s options were tuna sandwiches or chicken al a king. This was a no-brainer. I had indulged in the tuna last week and it was passable and chicken al a king although when made correctly and fresh can be delicious but cafeteria style usually comes out looking and tasting like vomit.

Art was sitting up this afternoon and he re-discovered his birthday cards particularly the one that plays "Celebrate". FML :-(

Just after 1 PM they brought in a new ward mate to occupy the bed opposite me. I don’t have any stories about this one yet but I sure I will. But I can see from here he has a magic black button; time to plot a stealth attack. *insert evil maniacal laugh and hand rubbing*

Not long after my roommate arrived, I received another surprise visit from another classmate, Louise, who also happens to be part of one of the many branches in the tangled Donnelly family tree. Her sister, Brenda,  is the mother of my nephew, Matt and grandmother of my great-niece, Emily. Lou was kind enough to bring up some tasty sausage rolls. Damn it, Lou Lou, don’t you remember it was sausages that got me into the mess in the first place. Hee hee! She brought some throat spray to help eliminate the bitter taste at the back of my throat left by sleeping pills. We had lovely chat and then I had her take back the rest of the sausage rolls for fear I would eat them all and that would not be a good thing, Before leaving Louise snapped a couple of pictures and subsequently posted them on Facebook. Louise also found out that I haven’t been exaggerating about things here especially about the heat in this room and Sergio. Louise also got to see Charlie’s good side. Ewww!

This brings to mind the answer to the question that everyone asks “What can I bring you?” I pretty much have most of what. I like to read but at this point in my reading rate is much slower than usual and the books I have stashed here now will probably do me for a few weeks yet. As far as food goes I have a  somewhat restricted diet so maybe a couple of mandarin oranges might be okay but don’t be surprised if I send them back with you if I’m overstocked. This was the case with Louise who had brought a few with her but I already had a supply from Pam.

I now have a secret to confess. I watch Survivor and The Amazing Race and today I was able to find all the episodes on line and managed to waste the bulk of my morning and afternoon catching up on the episodes that I missed. There! I said it! Now deal with it!

Just before dinner a guest I’d been expecting popped in. Lee was probably one of the funniest and energetic Night Owls and was particularly at her best during our Mill Bay road trips. Thank god, YouTube, smart phones and digital cameras didn’t exist in those days! Lee is a trained chef and she brought me some of her roasted garlic and mushroom soup made with three heads of garlic. Those vampires from the lab don’t stand a chance now. We hadn’t had much a chance to catch up over the past few and had only reconnected recently. We had some good laughs about the old times and the new times. The coolest thing I found out in our visit was that her dad was my dentist for years. I now know from where she got her outgoing personality. Lee also got to meet Sandi. Actually, I’m actually drastically changing my mind about Sandi. She is trying so hard to deal with her dad’s illness and she is so helpful with the rest of us patients in the ward.

Denise, my night nurse, arrived and after checking my vitals gave me a good back scrubbing and changed my pillow supports and other bed linens something that should have been done yesterday. All this made me feel refreshed and ready to do battle.

After downing my evening drug cocktail, I tried to lay down for my evening slumber. After a few minutes, I began to feel a pain that felt a lot like a muscle pull radiating from the bottom of my right front ribcage into the middle of my back. I hit the call button and discussed it with Denise or actually whimpered it to Denise. Her first suspicion is some sort of urinary tract or kidney infection. When she said “I thought your pee smelled funny” it reinforced my “I never want to be a nurse” mantra. She brought me a dilaudid for the pain and propped up my right side so I ended sleeping in a contorted half sitting position on my left side.

She left with a specimen bottle which I obliging filled for her an hour later and then drifted off to sleep.

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 14

...Hey! I’m talking here...

Episode 14 – November 13 – The sleeping pills are working great, I’m getting some pretty good uninterrupted sleep although it takes a while to get rid of the grogginess.

I completed my first set of bed exercises by 5:45 AM so I’ve got some extra time to spare in my busy schedule.

My next task was to look after the Employment Insurance paperwork so I could sometime in the future get paid for my little ordeal. Luckily the form was short and the covering letter did not have to be too long so I’m set once the doctor fills out the rest and I get the letter printed and mailed off; all simple tasks but extremely hampered by my lack of mobility.

Sergio is my day nurse so I know things are going to be slow today. Oh well, you have a little extra time to kill, Donnelly. Remember you’ve already done your first set of bed exercises.

For once, I was excited about breakfast and when the tray arrived I saw them...Corn Flakes!!! Today was already a good day! I must still have been a bit elated and groggy because I almost committed a serious culinary faux pas. I was just about to spread the grape jelly on my whole wheat toast before the peanut butter! The horror!! The horror!!

Living in bed, I’ve learned a few ways to improvise. Normally, you have to wait forever for the nurse to set you up to brush your teeth and even longer for food services to pick up your tray. Disposing of the tray so I can get my laptop back up and running. I simply manage to turn it sideways and balance on the far end of the limited space overbed table. As for teeth brushing, I always order tea instead of coffee even though I get violently ill from tea. What comes on the tray is a mug of hot water with a teabag on the side.  The hot water works great for wetting my toothbrush and rinsing my mouth and the fruit cup transforms into a spit cup.

 After over a week of avoiding it, I had to inject myself with my blood thinning medication. Actually there is no need for me to learn how to do this because I only need the meds while I’m flat on my back to avoid clotting in my legs. I will not need the medicine when I get home because I will be ambulatory. There is no way to get this through to Sergio so I relented. Stabbing oneself goes against all laws of nature! Ouch!!

One of my best chemical friends in life is diphenhydramine more commonly known as Benadryl. I suffer from year round unknown airborne allergies and at home I take them like candy. It relieves my swollen sinuses and itchy eyes. Luckily I got Dr. Haaf to authorize them on my chart. However they will only give me 50 mils every 5 hours so I have to suffer. Unlike a lot of people Benadryl does not make me drowsy, it actually perks me up because it clears my airways.  I buy the stuff by the bucketful at K-Mart in Bellingham and am never far from a bottle of it.

Feeling lucky today I decided to take a gamble when the lunch fairy came by. The safe choice was the egg salad sandwich which I had previously; boring but passable. The second was tuna casserole which is always a crapshoot anywhere. Rolling the dice, I went for broke and called “tuna”. I dreaded my gamble shortly after that but by a stroke of luck they put the wrong thing on my tray and I got the egg salad sandwich. I check the tray inventory sheet and it did say “tuna casserole”. I counted my blessings and ate the sandwich along with a green salad and minestrone soup. Speaking of inventory cards, there have been days when I have had to check the sheet to see exactly what I was eating was supposed to be.

Besides writing this drivel, one of my other passions and time killers is reading. I am currently working my way through J.K. Rowling’s’ new tome “A Casual Vacancy”. I am thoroughly enjoying this slice of small town petty politics. Normally I would have raced through this volume in a couple of days but my concentration levels are so low I get tired after a few pages. Now if any of you have read this novel please don’t spoil it by telling me Lord Voldemort did it. ;-)

Talk about foreshadowing, I must have been napping when the dinner came along so I got dealer’s choice on my tray and I really had to check the inventory sheet to see what it was it was on my plate. Apparently it was BBQ chicken and perhaps it may have been. I will say it was meatish.

After completing the third set of my bed exercises, it dawned on me that the pain in my shoulder that I’d been dealing with since the summer had subsided so something must be going right.

The Crown Prince brought up a few DVD’s on Saturday and . I watched “Ponyo”  a Japanese anime piece co-produced by Disney. Cute but very wierd. ;-)

I have also figured out how to log into MsNBC so I can now enjoy Rachel Maddow; one of the most hated commentators by conservatives and the Religious Wrong because not only is she a liberal, she's a lesbian and even worse she's from San Francisco. I am so going to hell. ;-)

I am absolutely delighted to know that the world continues while I rest in bed. Telus sent me a bill for my home phone which of course will be sitting idle for the duration of the billing period.

Denise arrived and at least I knew I would be in good hands for the night. Alas no breakfast fairy. Crap!

So I swallowed my little blue dream pill and lay my head down to sleep.

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 13

...so a priest, a giraffe and a pipefitter walk into a bar...oops, wrong story...

Episode 13 – November 12 – I awoke at 5 AM after a totally uninterrupted sleep feeling somewhat refreshed but with a very bitter taste in the bad of my mouth when I sipped some water. I remembered the taste from a few nights previously. That little sneak, Denise, had slipped one of those little guys into my pill cocktail along with the old guys in the room.

I then made use of my time and did my first set of bed exercises, pushing huge amounts of iron. Okay maybe it was a bean bag weight and some latex bands

My new day nurse today is Solly and Denise (aka Nurse Ratched, hee hee)was also helping out in the ward which means she was going to do evil things today like wash my back and sit me up in the wheelchair.

The vampire arrived shortly before breakfast to steal some blood from everyone to take back to the lab or so they say. Regardless, I keep a wooden stake beside my bed.  If I see Sookie Stackhouse wearing scrubs around here I’ll know I’m right about my suspicions. Seriously,I got a little worried when the lab tech looked at the empty bed across from me and asked the nurse, “where’s Mr. Wallace?” on being told he had been transferred back to St. Mary’s in Gibson her next question was “Then should I come back for him later?” And I’m supposed to trust this broad to stick a needle in my arm, I don’t think so!

And guess what time it is now? You Betcha...Breakfast Time!!..Oh Joy!! Well the good news is it wasn’t cream of wheat. No, it was oatmeal, the other gruel...and a banana. At least they gave me both peanut butter and dietetic grape jelly for my whole wheat toast.

I received a rare email from my baby sister, Kathy and I was pleased to see that the first thing that pops up when you Google “Running With Safety Scissors” , my blog is at the top of the list. Go ahead try it; I know you want to; just click here. Hey, Donald Trump isn’t the only attention in this world!  ;-)

I ate my first meal sitting up in the wheelchair. Lunch was a chicken salad sandwich and spinach with mandarin orange salad with pieces of raw garlic. Where the hell was this when I needed it to ward off the lab lady?

After a little over an hour in the chair, I was starting to get tired and my butt was getting sore so I hit the call button and asked the nurse if I could go back to bed. The team came but were short bodies so Denise let me use the lift controls. I felt so much more at ease because I was in control.

Okay guys get ready for some inspirational  sermon-y claptrap but remember I’m giving to you for free unlike those fortune cookie writers like Deepak Chopra, Tony Robbins and Eckhart Tolle.

People have been asking how I have been able to handle my ordeal and how am I able to keep my sense of humour as well. The answer to the first part is acceptance. In any pitfall that life deals you the first thing you have to do is accept your situation, then think about how you are going to fix or at least improve your situation then proceed. With regards to humour, learn to laugh at yourself and people laugh with you not at you. Laughter is life. Remember life is way too serious to take it seriously. This has always been my of staying positive and facing forward.

My brother, Pat and sister-in-law, Suzanne, dropped by this afternoon for visit.They witnessed first hand my suroundings and helped me out with  a few personal business matters. .

Dad just called and we talked about the real important things in life, Liverpool FC and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

After a so-so dinner I received a visit from our CUPE business agent, Steve and chatted about goings on at the PNE and reinforced the idea as union reps is that our primary job is to hand-hold members and guide them through a  never ending puberty and to minimize the effects of both management and members being just plain stupid.

It seems that the Class of 74 has been busy; I received several more notes from classmates today and yesterday. Thank you, Louise, Karen and Ruth.

Regina was my night nurse however Esther made a point of popping in at the beginning of her shift to say hello to everyone. That girl is just too damn perky! ;-)

And just before settling down I received an extremely important visitor and my eyes lit up; the breakfast fairy! Tomorrow is going to be a good day!

So I took my little blue pill (Hey! not that blue pill. Fat lot of good it would do in here!) headed off to dreamsville.

Hey wait! This is episode 13! I now have enough to take to the networks!  

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation – Episode 12

...Are you ready to continue? Then let’s begin...

Episode 12 – November 11 - I had a mediocre sleep last night; everyone in the ward seemed to be snoring or talking in their sleep. I believe I will start taking advantage of the sleeping pill that Denise arranged for me.

By 5 AM I was so awake that I figured it would be a good use of time to do my upper body bed exercises my physiotherapist gave me.

The other day when transferring into the wheelchair, neither the therapists or myself could figure out why my left ankle was so swollen and sore and lacking in range of motion compared to my right ankle which normally is the swollen one due to so many sprains and twists over the years. I told Fellie about this and she looks at me and asks “Have you ever had gout?” Hmm...gout...yes, I do have it and it effects my right wrist, my right big toe and my left ankle. D-oh!! *head slap*

Denise and Sam were the day nurses for our ward and popped in to get the day going.

Art decided he wanted to make a nuisance off himself and kept pulling the curtains and I had to keep using my trusty reacher until he gave up the fight.

My dread from the night before was not unfounded. Breakfast came and for sure it was cream of wheat and an effing banana!

It’s Remembrance Day and the local veteran’s parade came past the hospital and I could hear the skirl of the pipes under my window. The sound of bagpipes always gets my Celtic blood flowing and rumour has it I may have had a thing for a piper or two in my past.

Shortly after the parade passed there was a low altitude flyby of fighter jets from CFB Comox. I couldn’t see them but I sure could feel them from my bed.

Denise came by with a little cup of my morning, which consisted of five pills, I mentioned I was out of water and she joked “What can’t you dry swallow that lot?” Well that sounded like a dare so you know I couldn’t let it go unheeded. I promptly gulped down the chemical cocktail. Denise walked back in with the water and she saw this big grin on my face. She laughed and threatened to kill me next time I tried that. She then took revenge by poking with a needle in my gut for my blood thinners.

I am happy to say that the side effects of the codeine have worn off, I’m not sure Denise was thrilled about that. My big goal in my rehab is the day I can walk those fifteen feet across the ward into the washroom.

Lunch made up for breakfast. Although it’s not saying much, it was the best meal to date and came without a visit from the food service fairy. It consisted of a simple omelette with whole wheat toast and chicken orzo soup that was so hardy, full of chicken and vegetables that I actually to use a spoon rather than sipping it which is normally easier considering the angle I have eat. To picture the angle go back to the days of carhop service at White Spot where the cross car tray would force you to reach up and forward to eat your food.

Today is Art’s 89^th birthday and of course there was a parade of people in and out with Sandi holding court and pouring scotch (She did offer a snort but I thought it would be prudent not to.) All the noise made it a little hard to read or write but the real irritating thing was that one family member brought one of those singing cards that played “Celebrate” by Kool & the Gang and everyone had to open it several times each. By her own admission Sandi by the end of the was a bit in her cups and even way to perky even for her own way too perky self.

I finally found out Art’s disposition. He is just here waiting for a placement in a long term care facility because realistically his condition will never improve. The other mystery is why the nurses have to put Art’s teeth in every morning before breakfast because all his meals are pureed because he can’t chew or swallow properly.

Denise rewashed my hair with the no-rinse shampoo and did a much better job at it. It feels almost human again.

The Crown Prince dropped by on his way back to Langley, I loved that he came but unfortunately I was at a low point in my energy levels and I found my concentration levels were waning. I know he wanted to hear “Celebrate” at least one more time.

At around three Sam came in and told Bill that an ambulance will be here soon to transfer him the St. Mary’s in Gibsons so she was going to have to get him packed up and ready to move. He was on his way home. God speed, Bill.  I guess that means Emergency will be sending us a new ward mate within the day.

Either I’m getting used to it but I actually enjoyed another meal. This time I did take advantage of the food fairy and ordered roast pork, garlic potatoes and mixed vegetables. The pork was substantive enough to at least where I needed a knife to assist the fork in pulling it apart.

I received a couple more notes of encourage from friends dating back to elementary, Ray, a classmate and Daryl, my grade 5 teacher.

Regina was my night nurse so on advice of Denise I asked for the sleeping pill that was allowed on my chart and it was off to dream land.

Alas there had been no evening visit from the food fairy. Crap.

And that effing tap is dripping again!!

To be continued...

How I Spent My “Fall” Vacation Episodes 10 & 11

...so after that word from our sponsor...back to our story

Episode 10 - November 9 – After Sergio settled Art down last night, I was able to get a fantastic night’s sleep. That was fantastic until Sergio decided to wake me up at 6 AM to give me my pain meds. Hmm...patient sleeping soundly; that must mean he’s in a great deal of pain. Still I’m able to very quickly get back to sleep. So an hour later, Sergio wakes me up again to check my glucose levels. Now I am up for the day.

I shouldn’t be too harsh on Sergio, he means well and he is dealing with some serious health issues himself

My day nurse today is Regina. It seemed to be quite a busy for the nurses so I didn’t interact with her much.

I did wake up to a pleasant surprise when I logged on this morning. There was a sweet note from another classmate, Carol, who had gone through a much worse traumatic event when we were in school and was laid up in bed for months. Coincidentally, Janice and I were talking about her and her mother, a teacher at our school, yesterday. It is little surprises like this that brighten my day.

Breakfast arrived and lo and behold cream of wheat and a banana. I’m a sport and tried a couple of bites of banana and gagged. So it was a slice of whole wheat toast with dietetic jam and 2% milk to last me until lunch.

Dr. Haaf stopped and we discussed my pain meds. When I told him I was having very little pain if any, we decided that rather than regular dosing, my meds would be as needed. This was designed to solve the other problem with the pain killers. Unfortunately it is going mean more bed pan dancing.

It’s time to gross you out again but just a little. I normally go through a lot of tissues because of my allergies and bad sinuses. I was beginning to notice a lot of blood traces similar to what happens to me in the dessert and it didn’t make sense because the humidity is high in here and my BiPAP delivers a fine mist over night. The answer dawned on as I was being jabbed in the stomach with my daily shot; your on blood thinners to avoid clotting, you idiot!

Today my mind was on a different hospital, my mother was scheduled for surgery at Langley Memorial so my big brother, Pat was keeping me posted and her operation was cancelled at the last minute due to breathing complications. I know how stressful that had to be both the anxiety anticipating the surgery and then the cancellation. I love you, Ma!

My physio treatment consisted of sitting in the wheelchair again today but I was able to stay considerably longer getting a lot of writing done and enjoying the view. The southern exposure of our room although causing added heat has a great vista looking over the inlet at downtown Vancouver.

Now speaking of views and southern exposure; shall we discuss Charlie in the opposite corner? God bless, him. His rehab from his hip surgery has progressed that he can briefly manage a walker to get to the washroom facing me although he is still supposed to have someone assisting him. I think the assistance is primarily to make sure his robe is closed at the back. *shudder*

While still sitting in the chair, the nurse’s aide came around with afternoon snacks and you guessed mine was a banana. I dismissed her summarily.

Finally my luck changed with regard to breakfast, the food service person came around to take my breakfast order.

Another bonus was that the occupational therapist brought me a reacher. My universe has been extended by a radius of 30 inches. Beware!!

The night nurses on our ward tonight were Hiroko and Fellie.

Fellie is hilarious. She was giving one of her co-workers grief for working too much and turned to me “Typical Phillipino she thinks she has to work 2 or 3 jobs but then again I think my friends are beginning to think I’m not really Phillipino because I’m happy only working one job.

Episode 11 – November 10 – I awoke from a great and almost rejuvenating sleep to greet my new day nurse, Samantha or Sam.

Breakfast for once was bearable and dare I say almost enjoyable. I had Rice Krispees, scramble eggs  and a pancake with dietetic syrup; and best of all no gruel. However, I must state once and for all time, margarine is not a butter substitute.

Esther was working in a different section of the floor but she dropped by to say “good morning” to everyone in the ward. She’s too damn chipper for 8 AM.

During my morning wash up, Sam introduced me to “no-rinse” shampoo because my hair was feeling grossly matted and grungy and it brought it down to mildly matted and grungy.

Bill, in the bed had a couple of visitors, his niece and her husband. Her husband spent a lot of time chatting with me. It was quite interesting because he was another East End boy. He told about playing football for the Renfrew Trojans in the 60’s. I had played ball in the Renfrew organization for a few years and I have countless friends who had played for the Trojans.

The gentleman also had to help me with another of life’s little ironies. My reacher had fallen off the side of my bed so I could not reach my reacher.

Bill’s full name is William Wallace, apparently norelation to Braveheart but he could have been a contemporary. Bill wears hearing aids but I’m sure they are doing him no good. His answer to every question subjective or objective is “Yes” and they keep letting off a high pitched squeal. He’s therapy is progressing as well so he can used his walker a bit. Currently, he’s waiting for a bed to open up at St. Mary’s in Gibsons where he lives so his wife can visit.

I had been feeling a bit lazy today and was not too upset that there was no physio team visits today. I’ve been content to sit here and write and follow the NCAA football scores especially my undefeated, number 3 ranked, Notre Dame Fighting Irish. I am so bored I may even follow Sunday’s NFL scores. Go 49ers!

I received a few more n*** notes from a couple of former classmates, Ruth and Dorothy. I had known both since elementary school. In fact, Dorothy and I were in the same kindergarten class. Hearing from everyone brightens my day and when I hear from someone a little less expected it brightens it up even more so.

The Crown Prince was due to come up so I had Sam empty my urine bottle because I told her, he was such a pussy. She threatened to tell him I had said that. I didn’t care because I’d stand by my word.

Bryan showed up about fifteen minutes later with a few sundries I had asked him to bring up and my week’s mail.

The mail included my Hobbit stamps from New Zealand and a letter from the Vancouver Sun that included two tickets to see Brent Butt at the River Rock Casino as prize for participating in one of their surveys. It’s not someone I’d normally go see but would have no problem seeing at that price. Then I looked at the date, November 23. Uhh...kinda busy. I handed them back to the Prince and told him to find a buddy to go with him.

Sam came in to change my dressings and just the mention of it brought a green pale to Bryan’s face. His only comment “I think I have to leave”. I turned to Sam and said “told you he was a pussy”. ;-)

Fellie came in as my night nurse and immediately started to lecture me about not resting my feet on the foot of the bed because it’s considered weight bearing. She’s an absolute tyrant about this. She did figure out a way to adjust the bed to eliminate the pull of gravity that was pushing me down. She did reward me with a n*** wash down before sleep. ;-)

With the Oregon Ducks game well in control, I decided to retire.

As I lay back to sleep, the frightening thought occurred to me, “oh shit, the food services lady didn’t come by to take my breakfast order”.  **heavy sigh**

To be continued...