Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Other N*** Word

Before anyone takes offense the “N” word I’m referring is not a racial slur in fact many people would call it a compliment. My “N” word is only four letters long. Men like me are everywhere. Women refer to the as being n***. I am one of those n*** men. It’s time I spoke up for this downtrodden majority.
We are that guy in the movie that every one of you women thinks is sweet and brings that cute little smile to your face but bypass the feelings in other of your body parts. In the high school coming of age movies, I was the nerdy best friend of the dickhead high school quarterback with whom you were madly in love. You shared all your lustful thoughts and your frustrations about Mr. Wonderful with me meanwhile I was the one who was hopelessly devoted to you.
Your grandmother loves me and wants to pinch my cheeks and feed me pasta even if she isn’t Italian. Your mother asks me for my opinion on the floral arrangements for your wedding. Hey, even your dad likes me! Of course, I’m not the one who gets to deflower his little girl.
My favourite N*** Guy phrases
“You’re such a n*** guy!” – This basically means “You are reasonably attractive, you are considerate and you witty. You remind me of my first puppy. But there’s not a chance, I’ll even sleep with you”.
“You’re a nice guy but” – To all us n*** guys this is very clear. In womenspeak this means “I wouldn’t sleep with you even if you were the last man on earth and I was out of ‘D’ batteries!”
“You’re too n*** of a guy” – Okay, ladies enlighten me?!! This makes no sense at all! It rates right up there with “I don’t date friends.” Please, I am a simple man; I don’t understand.

Which brings to mind the worst quote of all even if it doesn't contain the n*** word "I just want to be friends". I don't want to be your friend! I don't even really like you! I just want to **** you!
That being said, in all truth, I enjoy being a n*** guy and I enjoy being your friend. But ladies remember even N*** Guys want some once in awhile!
Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day here in the Magic Kingdom. Oh crap, wrong theme park! ;-)


  1. Ohhhhhhh, now I understand you a lot better, especially every time I feel you cringe whenever I say something ..... *pausing* .... nice .... about you. But I CAN'T HELP IT! YOU ARE!

  2. Hahahaha!!!

    Is it true that nice guys finish last?

  3. @HH - Isn't that what makes them n*** guys? hee hee!

  4. So show us some teeth and take a bite, Dennis! Nice girls LOVE sharks... lol....